The Bully

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Having listened to the dreadful things you'd said

about those who considered themselves your friends,
I ponder why I ever thought you’d treat me
any differently
when things unraveled between us.
…and unravel they did.

 

Except things didn’t exactly unravel,
although they slid downhill
in spite of both our best efforts.
No one cheated,
no one lied,
no one did anything so egregious
that a single act can be pointed to.
 
Had it stopped there,
It would have been enough
to simply have been sad for a time,
mourned the loss of a love
that wasn’t meant to be
and moved forward
a bit more experienced,
wiser,
kinder.
 
Instead, because you have lived life so often the attack,
you didn’t play fair.
You are so different from me and
I find myself questioning why we ever were.
As if an unceremonious end wasn’t enough,
you didn’t stop there.
You insisted on loyalty from those to whom
you have been, in fact, disloyal.
You attempted to poison a well
you deemed you no longer had need for.
You spread rumors, speculations, and lies
which served only feed your own ego
and support your version of the story.
The attrition continued, although time passed
and I moved on having had enough,
as if you still had some claim on me.
Good grief, you needed a better hobby!

During that time,

do you think I didn’t have moments
when I wanted to lash out
because I hurt too?
Do you think I didn’t have anger at
our end?
Do you actually believe I didn’t
see you for what you were?
When we were good,
you let your thick walls down,
showed me your soft underbelly
and shared your guilty secrets
much as I shared mine.
I loved you.
Oh, how I loved you.
…but you know this even now.
 
How I wish you could have left me in peace
much as you left me at the end of our relationship.
Swallow the bitter pill you put in your own mouth
and gone on with your life,
leaving me to live mine.
Could you have spent less energy eradicating a woman
you chose to leave on more than one occasion
and more time, instead,
keeping your side of the street clean,
bringing order to your chaos,
and giving your family your love
instead of giving me your hate?
For you chose that end,
not me
and for the life of me,
I don’t understand
why I had to pay your price.

 

~ Mk Michaels

Embracing the Unexpected

It all started with intimidation;

me for your intellect
you for my presence,
but quickly moved into kindness;
me because I am
you because you couldn’t be
unkind.
 
The brushes of contact came gently,
by and large
an event here,
an after party there
grace and decorum alongside
liking one another,
finding merit in the other’s aspect
in spite of the initial expectation
we wouldn’t.

Late winter brought about

an unforeseen chill which rivaled
the bleak, stark, frozen season.
A frost settled in
creating hypocrisy
overlaid with an icy decorum.
 
Battles fought in the wake of
that winter day
rivaled nuclear explosions
and the seemingly poster perfect pair
crumbled
unsupported on our faulty foundation.
 
The anger, blame, and vitriol
launched at you from the privacy of my
silence
was undeserved.
You were an easy target
much like a gentle kid
separated from the safety of the flock.
I blamed you because I could not
blame my lover
without leaving…
I wasn’t quite ready to leave.
Yet.

Time passed,

the assaults on my character
remained much like
a giant, purple elephant
in the middle of our
public-perfect, private hell.
Ultimately, our end was unceremonious,
but an ending all the same.
 
Ohhh, how thankful I am for that end
for it opened the door
for a beginning;
a simple yet sincere apology.
a Bourbon infused fledgling friendship,
a caring albeit pushy mutual friend who tipped the scale,
a rained out baseball game,
a beginning.
 
“I didn’t see you coming,”
I often say
for I didn’t.
In fact, I’d venture,
you are the last person
I would have expected
and yet here I am
embracing your presence,
embracing you.
 
~ Mk Michaels, 2015