Earthbound Heartache

Even though it seems it should get easier, 
and it does, 
my heart still breaks every time I leave you.

This is the third year in a row
I have left you behind and yet
it is really you who is leaving.
You are leaving childhood behind.
In this, you are leaving me. 

I smile and express my awe
at the woman you are becoming
(have already become.)
I praise your choices, your successes,
and your independence,
all the while biting the inside of 
my mouth, raw from suppressing
the tears of a mother who is
more willing to let go
than to cling tightly, holding you close, and
hobbling you in the process. 

You were meant to fly
far higher than I ever could have imagined
that day seemingly so long ago
(but only yesterday in my heart)
when I brought home the pink and white bundle
of newborn baby daughter
that was you.
I couldn't stop staring at you,
memorizing your face, and
having little idea of all that was to come.

The joys, fumbles, recoveries, devastations,
and strong connection, 
growing stronger each day
in spite of the fact that
you are leaving me
and have been for years.

You should.
Leave me, that is.
To let you leave was part of
the sacred contract made in
giving over my body
for the sake of yours
so you could grow strong,
leaving my belly
to begin your journey,
making your unique mark on the world.

You have.
Left a mark, that is,
and it will expand over time
as your wingspan widens
and you gain altitude,
soaring over your childhood home,
dipping a wing to let me know
that although you have left me
you have not forgotten.

~ Mk Michaels

Moving In and On

As we unpacked the last of your boxes in your off campus apartment;

books, clothes, bedding, pots and pans,

I was struck with the vividly clear thought that you are never coming home again. 

Sure, you'll visit, passing through for a day, a week, maybe several once in a blue moon or come home temporarily for life's events, but

more and more, the bedroom you made your own, the one in which you grew into yourself, the one that is vacant for longer and longer stretches of time

...has become redundant. 

As the mother who has worked diligently to never hold you back and be the support team in the background, I see your gait gaining momentum, your wings stretching farther, and your reach stretching farther than I could have possibly dreamed.  As to your bedroom at home, I leave it intact so in time it can draw its own conclusions.  

~ Mk Michaels