Prayers for a Stranger

May all of my family and friends who need miracles be blessed. 

May whoever is feeling weak be given strength.

May all of those who carry heavy burdens have their load lightened. ~ Nani Thakuri

Sometimes blessings are needed for those who are not in our day to day lives; distant relatives, long ago friends, and even complete strangers. 

These, alongside those nearest and dearest to our hearts, are no less deserving or worthy of our kindness and prayers of support. Each is, after all, human and deserving of whatever light and love we can send.

So I do...with fervor.  May you experience miracles, may you find stamina when you believe you will collapse, may the burdens you carry be lightened and, in time, eliminated. ~Mk Michaels

Agreeing to Disagree...respectfully

I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as cause for withdrawing from a friend. ~ Thomas Jefferson to William Hamilton, April 22, 1800

It seems that political and social divisiveness has run particularly rampant lately (reference the recent ‘Who has liked Donald Trump’s page’ applet.)  At times is ugly, quite ugly.  Folks are fighting in open posts, de-friending one another, and, as I say it, using Facebook as a weapon.  Are we really this immature as a culture?

While there are some acquaintances I have distanced myself from due to their negativity or toxicity in life, I have many friends with whom I simply agree to disagree.  In this, are there moments in which my hackles are raised by a comment which is not in alignment with my belief system?  Certainly.  Do I lose sight of the fact that we have more in common than we don’t have in common?  Absolutely not.  In reality, the only person with whom I am in complete and utter agreement is me…and some days even that may be questionable. 

For me, friendship is based in a shared mutual respect and part of that is the belief that the other person has a right to his/her own opinions whether or not they align with mine.  As a self professed flaming liberal I have friends who run the gamut from liberal to conservative.  As long as we maintain the foundation of respect, even when we disagree, we can remain friends.  Sure I get tweaked once in a while by something which doesn’t match my belief system, but unless there is true malice afoot, I am a loyal and supportive friend.  For all my platitudes, don’t be fooled though - given the right circumstances, a friendly debate, and a couple glasses of wine, I will still attempt to bring you to my side of an issue...respectfully. ~ Mk Michaels

Rewards of Toil

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
-  John Ruskin

In my lifetime, I have planted many gardens; some filled with flowers, fruits, other flora and the occasional fauna.  Other gardens were metaphorical in nature.  Here’s the thing about gardens, for me at least – when I plant one I never know if I will be around to enjoy the fruits of my labor.  Quite often and particularly with gardens of the metaphorical variety, I am not around when they come into their glory.  In this, the point of a garden is not the end result, rather the process.  It is the realizations which come as I sink a shovel into the rich soil cultivated over the years by improving it with fallen leaves, compost, and other natural fertilizers which enrich the hard Georgia clay.  It is the process of having seen the brick hard red turn to fertile brown over the years, each soil amendment adding its own contribution. It is the knowledge that every seed, plant, and transplant is an act of faith which may come into bloom…or not.  It is the belief that for all my attempts to control how and where plants flourish; the garden will take the form it is meant to in the end.  Wild, unruly, and, largely, uncontrollable ~ this is my garden and I love it.

Such is my life as well, for as much as I would like to believe I was in charge, I simply cannot control events or outcomes.  The control freak in me detests this reality, but the part of me that strives to surrender to Life’s will appreciates that my garden is a constant reminder of just how little control I have.  I am thankful for the gentle nudging my garden provides to let go and let life take the form it is intended to take.  I am grateful for the comings and goings of those who have influenced my world and from whom I learned valuable lessons, both painful and glorious.  I am far better for having planted these many gardens for in my garden as in my life, it is never about ‘what I get’ rather ‘who I become’ in the process of my toils. ~ Mk Michaels

Puzzling

Bits of her, pieces of she,

parts of all,
a carefully selected mosaic
comprising the perfect lover.
 
The composite, were it possible, would be spectacular
but the whole of the prior parts
was lacking.

Some puzzles,

those we grant access

to our inner chambers for example,
are decidedly more challenging than others.

~ Mk Michaels, 2015

Review ~ Agamemnon at Syracuse

The Agamemnon of Aeschylus

Department of Drama at Syracuse VPA, Syracuse University

November 6 – November 15, 2016

 

Upon arriving at the theater, the audience is confronted, yes confronted, by a stage and set which can only be described as awe-inspiring; marble, wood, and metal converge in a scenic presentation of a Grecian palace of epic proportions.  Towers of fire on both sides of the stage further enhance the overall visual effect. This is the audience’s first experience in the Syracuse VPA production of Agamemnon but much more is to come.  The production is a provocative tour through the senses; sight, sound, smell, and for those who allow complete suspension of disbelief, the taste of blood.  Agamemnon, produced in 485 B.C. in Athens, is one of Aeschylus’s greatest tragedies from the Oresteia trilogy.   The classic play is one of depth, human frailty in the face of meddling Gods, difficult sacrifices believed to be for the greater good, the greatest of betrayals, and, ultimately, vengeance…if only for a time.

 

At the curtain, lights dim, live music and drums swell, and one becomes aware of the scent of ceremonial incense.  A cleansing of the stage ensues in preparation for one of the most powerful sensorial productions ever seen on this stage.  Seamlessly integrated lighting dances across a formidable set.  Colorfully textured costumes swirl and undulate across a marble floor.  Ceremonial masks cover human faces that prelude as the Greek chorus eloquently foretells of the tragedies to come.  Actors who materially transformed their physical appearances for the play’s run are conduits for characters created centuries before.  Juxtaposed choreography, is both primitive and elegant, adds depth to an already rich production. Live music and drums provide context and passion to the victories and tragedies that are Agamemnon.

Rodney Hudson, Director and Professor in the Department of Drama at Syracuse University said “We all have an idea of what it must be like to lose a daughter, go to war, and to want vengeance.  I want to capture a primal quality of theater and offer an opportunity to connect with a deeper level of acting, and also of our being.”  Mr. Hudson not only delivers his vision, but virtually overwhelms his audience in his creation of Agamemnon.  In the wake of the production, the audience wanders back to ancient Greece to revisit the effects, impact, and experience of Agamemnon.  Hudson directs Agamemnon in a highly visual way, conveying a series of captivating and tactile pictures, integrating numerous cultural references which are woven into the universal story of Aeschylus' play.

At the play’s outset, a night signal of fire portends the return of Agamemnon from a decade of war in Troy.  Victorious, the combatant king returns home with his concubine, the slave and prophetess Cassandra.  He is greeted, by a seemingly dutiful Clytemnestra, his wife and children’s mother who cleverly conceals her plot for vengeance under a cloak of dedication and honor for her king.  Clytemnestra has other plans, however, for her grief over the slaughter of their daughter, Iphigenia, as a sacrifice to the Gods has festered in her during the years she has ruled in Agamemnon’s place.  Vengeance and retaliation will be hers for fate will not be denied.  The first great play of Aeschylus’ Oresteia trilogy, Agamemnon is a visceral and evocative theatrical experience not soon forgotten.

Close to the edge, but just shy of sensory overload, the audience is transported fully and completely to ancient Greece and not returned to the present until what seems like decades, eons, an eternity even.  Time may be lost, but the audience’s attention is rapt.  The viewers are taken captive by the production, for how else is one to experience the unfolding of the story of Agamemnon, a king of Mycenae, a son of Atreus, and brother of Menelaus?  Any interruption to the performance would dilute it so the production is without intermission, as if the audience would deign to leave the edge of their seats as this tale is told. 

 

Agamemnon, translated by Edith Hamilton and directed by Rodney Hudson, was also conceived by the worthy talents of Emmett Van Slyke as composer, choregraphy by Anthony Salatino, and most notably Felix E. Cochren as production designer.  A team of talented SU students and alumni join the production with Alex Petersen as Associate Scenic Designer, Kathryn Bailey as Associate Costume Designer, Cory Pattak as Lighting Designer, Kevin O’connor as Sound Designer, and Emma Ettinger as Stage Manager.  These, in collaboration with a host of supporting crew culminate in a creation not soon forgotten.
 

Courtesy of Mike Davis

O Candide-Johnson in the role of Clytemnestra

Among the strong ensemble cast are many noteworthy performances. O Candide-Johnson takes command of the stage and delivers an interpretation of Clytemenestra which chillingly resonates as she anguishes over her daughter’s slaughter in sacrifice to the Gods.  Allen Ghavami, typically a slender and statuesque actor, transformed his body for the production into that of a muscled, sinewy warrior.  His performance is every bit as strong as his transformed physical being.  In the roles of the prophet Calchas, Orestes, and Paris, Daniel Ramirez is a focal point as both actor and dancer as the Chorus and he perform ceremonial movement which further enriches an already deeply textured rendition of Aeschylus’ play.  Erin Christine Walsh is virtually possessed by her portrayal of Cassandra;  Apollo’s cursed gift to her is fully realized in Ms. Walsh’ powerful performance.  Many other actors support a cast that impeccably weave the tale and transform a mere play into a fully enriching experience.
 

 

Courtesy of Mike Davis

(center) Daniel Ramirez performs as the prophet Calchas.

This visually rich production overflowing with strong performances leaves the audience stunned not only by the strength of the performance but also by the complete lack of a curtain call in spite of the standing ovation offered by the audience.  In this, the tragedy of Agamemnon is underscored and the audience is left wanting even more of the experience of the prior 90 minutes.  Agamemnon at Syracuse VPA is not to be missed nor soon forgotten.
 

~ Mk Michaels, 2015

Hiding the Soft Spots

A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ~ Ian McEwan, Atonement

Trust and intimacy are hard won qualities for they require exposing our vulnerabilities and those parts of us and our history which could be used to hurt us should the tides turn. Having been the beneficiary of having my soft spots used against me far too many times in the past year, I find my appetite for being vulnerable is greatly diminished, so much so that part of me wishes to share less of myself with those who speak and more time in my garden and with my animals. My garden has patiently borne my many heartbreaks and my animals don't talk.  Both are the perfect companions for healing. ~ Mk Michaels

Bittersweet

Was it always to be like this? she wondered. A moment of joy followed by a new sorrow? ~ Soheir Khashoggi, Nadia's Song

These days, our holidays have a sinewy vein of bittersweet woven throughout.  Slightly more than two years ago we lost a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a trusted lifelong friend and partner.  It continues to baffle me that life insists on marching forward.  The kids grow, relationships come and go, our lives have both expanded and also become much smaller.  What we value most has come clearly into focus; love, kindness, our many blessings, acts of service for others, our home, dear and trusted friends, and last but certainly not least, family.  

As the kids and I put the finishing touches on our contributions to today's Thanksgiving meal, I watched in awe at these two souls, a daughter and a son, who I love more than I ever thought I could. Children who I have the privilege to see grow into the amazing adults they are becoming. Each with their respective talents, dreams, sadnesses, joys, and independences.  As they bantered and teased one another, I watched their interaction, smiled, and sent love heavenward to their other mother, Amy.  We did good, Amy, and as we always joked with one another, we definitely did get the best ones.  ~ Mk Michaels

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours.

Anger

 

 

He who angers you conquers you. ~ Elizabeth Kenny

There are times when a situation gets the best of me and I get angry. Whether or not my anger is justified is irrelevant, because what often follows is anger at myself for even being angry. Granted, some of this is the vestiges of the lessons of my youth aka, "nice girls don't get angry," but it exists all the same.  I have and continue to work diligently to learn about myself, my flaws, foibles, and the aspects of my personality which are not productive so I can eradicate them or, minimally, reduce the damaging effects on both myself and others. When I catch myself getting angry, it is always a bit disappointing to be reminded that I, too, am human and, as a result, imperfect.

So, yes, I get angry sometimes and occasionally really, really, really angry.  Often the anger is rooted in inequity, mistruths, deep unkindness, or that which seems an unfair judgment. Here’s the thing though, this type of anger is the least productive of all because we simply cannot control other’s words or actions.  By getting angry about these type situations, I am actually creating even more negative energy. Although my idealistic side would like to believe that we are all kind at our core and working toward our best and greatest selves, the reality is that there are those who have been so damaged in life that they live with a diminished ability to see the good in the world and the people surrounding them. In these situations, it is a tall order to replace the anger with compassion, but I give it my best shot anyway because those who are unable to experience the incredible good in the world and its people are those who need compassion, kindness, and love most of all.  ~ Mk Michaels

 

Ripped Unawares

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Plugging along for the past couple years

Showing up each and every day
     for my kids
     for our pets

     for work
     for my home
     for friends
     for my lover
     for strangers even

I showed up because that’s what I do

I showed up in spite of

     bone-crunching fatigue
     daunting obstacles
     too many comings and goings
     losses over and above the initial loss
     unexpectedly being in the crosshairs of malice
     shoulders hunched with the burden of sole responsibility

I perfected my ability to flip between

sobbing and smiling brightly
in an instant
for the sake of other’s comfort
I got good at it
showing up
smiling, and even believing myself healed
except I wasn’t

I’d not really grieved
because it was unacceptable
to me and
to the one I held most closely
Sure, a nightmare here or there
A couple episodes of crying
with an audience perceived to be trusted
but, by and large,
I didn’t grieve
I just didn’t
 
Until now
and what a toll it has taken
I am spent
flayed, my skin raw
every fiber of my being torn
shredded
the ineffective band-aid unexpectedly
ripped away
I am hemorrhaging

Rolling up my sleeves

I turn to face that
which I thought was done
and begin yet again

 

~ Mk Michaels

Mental Scrapbooking

Photograph images of past loves 
pop like flashbulbs in my mind's eye. 
The good, the bad, the ugly,
cycle round and round
almost too fast to discern 
who is who.

The reasons each is in my past
are good and bad, 
even some ugly.
That each ended though
is as it should be.
So the gratitude
for the lessons learned from each
fills me up and spills
to overflowing.

Today.
Today is today
and in spite of the rain,
which is always temporary,
I feel the sun coming. 

~ Mk Michaels

The Missing Cipher

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some days,

less and less frequently now,

I find myself

missing you,

or more accurately parts of you,

and yet having absolutely no desire,

to reunite,

at least not in our prior form.

Curiouser and curiouser.

 

The longing

for that which had proved untenable

time and time again

is such a strange bird.

She lights on my shoulder

from time to time

and I find myself stunned

by her presence.

I don’t want you,

so why miss you?

 

I am told

by those who know about such things

that I mourn

the idea of what I believed

could have been.

In this, I realize what I grieve

is really my own creation;

connection, laughter,

children, a deep knowing,

someone strong enough

to watch the cave door

so I could truly rest

for I am so weary.

 

Maybe it was all just smoke and mirrors?

 

Regardless, I miss you.

Or, more aptly, the parts of you

that made me feel safe, seen, and known.

I suspect you miss the same and then some

from within your unforgiving bunker

not realizing all you left at the table

when you threw it all away.

For there was a different,

and perhaps more fitting, permutation

of us we both could have benefitted from. 

 

It is all speculation though,

a puzzle without a solution,

a code which can’t be broken

for you hold half the pieces

and without the cipher torn in two so long ago,

this code can never be deciphered.

 

~ Mk Michaels, 2015

Departures

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form. ~ Rumi

Today, my daughter returns to school following an all too brief visit home.  

She does not fully understand this, but her departures leave me hemorrhaging in a sense. My heart twists as I hug her goodbye at the airport security checkpoint. I hold my breath until I am out of her sight and, only then, allow the tears to flow and the deep sobs which sat in my gut all morning to rise. I am certain I look like a nut case in the airport,  but the truth is I don't care. Some things transcend public perception and this, saying goodbye to my beloved daughter time and again after so many other losses in such a short time, is one of them. So I give myself the luxurious permission to not give a damn  what stories others might speculate about me as I make my way back to my car, the car which only minutes before held my dearest child safely within it. 

My daughter will return soon enough, changed yet again, but loved all the more. This is a mother's lot, to let go and yet still celebrate the changed child which returns. ~ Mk Michaels 

Cresting the Hill

Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible - the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family. ~ Virginia Satir

The past couple years have posed some incredibly daunting moments, but to see my children come together today at ages 19 and 15 years and truly want to spend time together is, without a doubt, one of the most gratifying maternal experiences of my life. Granted, my efforts as a parent are far from done, but they have crested the hill and I see the fruits of many years of listening, really listening, knowing my children well enough to read between their lines, sharing my experiences (yes, the good, the bad and the ugly), showing up every day even when I was tired in a bone crunching way, and making sure they knew they were, are, and will be loved and respected in all their past incarnations and the many incarnations to come.  To see that both my daughter and son have deep, deep roots and a wide wingspan which lifts them high lets me know that over the years their other mother and I have helped prepare them for their respective worlds and we couldn't wish for more for them. ~ Mk Michaels

Stop the Cycle

Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhoods. ~ Pam Leo
In spite of a relatively traumatic childhood, my mother did the best she could and there was no doubt she loved me in the best way she could.

Two things I remember her telling me as a child, (1) I should probably not have children because I would damage them and (2) if I chose to have children after all, I needed to go to Georgia Tech and get an engineering degree so I could support my children when my husband left me. As shocking as those bits of maternal advice were, I believe they helped make me a very intentional parent. Moreover, and even ironically, Mom couldn't have been more wrong on both counts.~ Mk Michaels

Carpe that Diem!

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. ~ Chinese Proverb 

Oh how the years fly by and how easy it is to look back at particular phases, situations, and moments with deep regret. Wishing I had acted with more courage in my youth, regretting I acted unkindly and selfishly for a time in my early forties, thinking back on a lifetime of being relatively sedentary and, therefore, less healthy than I could have been, knowing I could have read a few more books to my children when they were young enough to want me to read to them and, truth be told, wishing I hadn't skipped pages at bedtime story time when I was tired at the end of a day. The list goes on and on...or rather it could if I let it. 

Here's the thing though, in the here and now what's done is done. I did good and I did not so good in the past, but I can only affect and influence the now. Are there trees I wish I'd planted 20 teats ago? Sure. Is wishing I had going to change a darned thing about the fact that I didn't? Nope. 

So, today I plant trees, metaphorically speaking. I seize the moment and carpe the diem every chance I get. I courageously speak my mind when I need to. I am as generous and gracious as I can be. I make choices to help ensure my health for years, decades even, to come. Quite frankly, if my children will tolerate it, I'll even read some of their favorites childhood books to them. Yes, I am planting trees each and every day so that in 20 years I won't look back at those I regret not planting. ~ Mk Michaels

Setting Things Right

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

I suspect we have all had times when we realize our life has gone off track and we are living on a way which we never intended. Whether it be to live unkindly, immorally, or from a place of fear, the beauty of this life is that we almost always have the opportunity to make a change and not only change our life-trajectory, but make sincere and heartfelt amends to those we may have hurt along the way.

For example, when I was in college, I had a girlfriend who was a good person and in the course of ending our relationship, I was decidedly disrespectful and unkind. Although this may seem a relatively trivial thing, particularly thirty years after the fact, it bothered me into my adult years and while she may have moved past it, it was clear the unkind act had stuck with me. Ultimately, thanks to technology and the power of Google, I was able to track this woman down, make a sincere and humble apology, and set things as right as they could be. Since the

n, we have become friends of a sort. Most importantly, she knows that I know I behaved badly and I know I did my best to repair the damage I inflicted. I was not proud of my prior actions but found the courage to clear the air so a fresh start could be made.

Moreover, in living in such a way that I apologize when I err, I find I am less inclined to misstep, at least as far as where other's feelings are concerned. We can inflict damage in a thoughtless instant, but by making it a habit to set things right when we do, we can become more conscientious before we act and, in this, live a life we can we proud of. ~ Mk Michaels

Fire Within

 

 

This is dedicated to those, one in particular, who hurt so deeply but have incredible difficulty letting others in. May you find it within yourself to accept the love the world has to offer, the support you need and, in turn, peace.

 

 

 

 

 

I had a friend once. 

He hurt so much. 

He hurt so much but I couldn’t help. 

 

He was inside a house and that house was burning. 

There was nobody else around and I knew that I couldn’t go get any help. 

It would be too late then.

So I tried to go get him out.

 

But the doors and windows were all locked.

From the inside. 

 

He was pleading “Get me out! Get me out!”

but he wouldn’t unlock the doors or windows. 

 

I looked around for something to break the windows. 

There was nothing. 

So I tried to use my bare hands,

but the windows were too strong …

and too hot.

 

Still he wouldn’t let me in. 

He was afraid I would burn and die too. 

 

I hoped it was all just a bad dream

and I would wake up. 

But it wasn’t. 

And I didn’t. 

 

So all I could do was just stand and watch…while he burned. 

 

..but I…I wasn’t hurt.

 

~ FCHS students circa 1980, Where Am I Going? Who Should I Be?

That Blows!

Don't ever put your gum in a tissue and then blow your nose with that same tissue. ~ A dear and anonymous friend

Some days, in spite of our best efforts, we can't help but get in our own way. On those days, just pull the wad of gum out of your nostril, laugh about it, tell a few friends so they can laugh with you, and move onward. ~ Mk Michaels

October

I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers. ~ L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

October remains my favorite month in spite of the major life curveball it threw us a couple years back. ~ Mk  Michaels

Connoisseur

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Over the past couple years, I have had what seems to be far more than my share of loss, loss in the many forms it can take. Although some forms are obvious; death, the end of a relationship, losing a beloved pet, what may feel like loss doesn't always look like loss; new chapters in life which ended an era, transformations, children growing into themselves, change which required letting go of the old to make room for the new, and so on. Each loss, obvious or not, was in one way or another something dear to me for it is only that which mattered in its presence in my life that continues to matter in its absence.  In this, I suppose,  having so much I cared about is a very good 'problem' to have.  

On a related note, in the course of this, many a tear has been shed, so many that I have become quite the connoisseur of tissues. Puffs plus with lotion, now that's the good stuff. ~ Mk Michaels

A tanka ~ the stories you tell to save face

Are you telling folks
I betrayed you? Is that it?
It is laughable.
Anyone who knows me, saw
me fall into you.  All in.

~ Mk Michaels, 2015

Quitting the Game

I don't play games anymore,
so don't try to play them with me.
Monopoly, Risk, Trouble
do not appeal to me
in the least
so don't even bring them out,
their tattered boxes
duct tape holding the corners together,
for I won't play them with you.

~ Mk Michaels, 2015