Raw

 

it has been eight months since you died and

yet i am just now becoming pink, tender, new flesh

raw

i stayed very busy for a long time

honoring you by opening the windows to let light and air in

bringing happy back into a place of great sadness

helping our children say goodbye to their home with you

and welcoming them into my home full time

being that mom,

participating, supporting, and showing up

until a bone crunching fatigue made me slow down

and sit still

allowing my feelings to catch up

i am small, vulnerable, deeply sad

it takes so little to cause pain anew

raw

but i am not afraid of being consumed by this

rather i take it in stride

i trust the process

i trust time

i trust me

so i go with it

and let the feelings flow through me

i have a new love

i imagine you know this

i want to believe you do

and are glad for me

even this happy renders me

raw

but in a different way

exposed, vulnerable

but safe

new or not

the feelings run very deep

they have since the beginning

there is no explanation for this

so i go with it

and let the feelings flow through me

i ponder the irony of utter happiness in contrast with deep sadness

and conclude that life should

afford us great joy in the face of great sorrow

happy can coexist with

raw

why not

so i go with it

and let the feelings flow through me

looking back
what was prepared me for today

and what is today

will prepare me for what is coming
it always works out that way

i have exactly what i need

at the right time
in the right place

so i go with it

and let the feelings flow through me

even if i am

raw

~ Mk Michaels