Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you. ~ John Greene
There are times loss sucks the air from my lungs and leaves me gasping, a crumbled heap on the floor. More often though, I experience my life’s losses as muted colors and muffled sounds when I was used to living in Technicolor. In having been twice touched close to my heart by death in as many years, it feels I have lost pieces of me I loved a great deal; my seemingly endless stamina, an ability to help everyone and everybody at the drop of a hat, the ability to try anything...at least once, and the luxury of being able to count on my heart and soul to show up with their historic optimism day in and day out. In having these constants of my life vacate their posts, if only temporarily, I wonder if the lesson of it all is to learn to slow down, to sip and savor life’s experiences instead of greedily gulping them, and to view each moment as a precious gift, for there is no guarantee more will follow. I am a highly resistant student and often rail against the perceived loss of who I was; in this is the greatest pain, for losing others is overwhelming, but losing the person I thought myself to be, devastating. So, bit by bit, a new version of me is revealed and I am trying really hard to like her. ~ Mk Michaels
There are times loss sucks the air from my lungs and leaves me gasping, a crumbled heap on the floor. More often though, I experience my life’s losses as muted colors and muffled sounds when I was used to living in Technicolor. In having been twice touched close to my heart by death in as many years, it feels I have lost pieces of me I loved a great deal; my seemingly endless stamina, an ability to help everyone and everybody at the drop of a hat, the ability to try anything...at least once, and the luxury of being able to count on my heart and soul to show up with their historic optimism day in and day out. In having these constants of my life vacate their posts, if only temporarily, I wonder if the lesson of it all is to learn to slow down, to sip and savor life’s experiences instead of greedily gulping them, and to view each moment as a precious gift, for there is no guarantee more will follow. I am a highly resistant student and often rail against the perceived loss of who I was; in this is the greatest pain, for losing others is overwhelming, but losing the person I thought myself to be, devastating. So, bit by bit, a new version of me is revealed and I am trying really hard to like her. ~ Mk Michaels
