For Want of a Chase

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The ways I have chased you are not traditional,

but I have pursued you all the same.
To believe I have not sought you

is to believe the sun

doesn't warm our skin. 

I think over the past year and
wonder if my efforts were missed
or simply not recognized for what they were.

 

I don’t make handmade cards for just anyone,
but I made them for you.
I write poetry for very few people,
I can count them on one hand in fact,
and yet there are scores with your name on them.
Some were offered for others’ eyes but many
were kept private, for me alone.
Giving you the time and space
to come to your own conclusions,
I waited by my window for you to appear.
In sharing Griffin and Sabine, I revealed
a piece of me that was for you alone,
and yet you think I’ve not chased you.

 

I am not a patient person,
not in the least,
and yet in coming to you without a smothering effect,
I was exceedingly patient.
Patience is not to be mistaken
for apathy or a lack of desire.
On the contrary,
I desired you more than you know

and it was that desire that kept me

on my self-imposed short leash.

I still desire you more than you know.

I waited and bided my time in
not pushing for a commitment,
not asking for more of your time than was offered,
not being impatient or anxious
when I knew you simply needed time
to realize you were in love with me
or rather you needed time to feel safe
in loving me

I knew you loved me long before you said it

and yet I waited
because I knew you had to own those words.

 

In this, my chasing
was more akin to waiting nearby,
staying close,
being watchful, and
letting you know I was there
by sending  notes,
helping you move beloved plants and
tuck them into their new beds,
looking for ways to please you
without frightening your inner feral cat.

 

You asked me for patience, my Love,
and I willingly gave it
even though my every instinct
was to pull you in,
crowd you,
and leave you gasping for breath
because that’s how I love.
I love hard.
I love true.
I love unwaveringly.
My love can be all consuming,
but I did not want to consume you
like an addict blowing through her stash,
rather I wanted you forever.
So I was patient
and I chased without chasing.
 
To have pursued you in the traditional sense
would have caused you to retreat
back to your corner
where it was safe.
You know this quite well
and so do I.

Instead, I chased by not chasing
until you felt safe enough
to come into the light
shining down from my window
and let me see you.

 ~ Mk Michaels, 2015