There are no secrets.' The thing smiled, showing a row of even, childlike teeth. 'None worth keeping. Only the ones you hide from yourself, which are the most damaging and hurtful of all. Truth is truth, and lie is lie. Tell yourself one's the other and all the world turns kilter. ~ David Hewson, Macbeth
Right or wrong we have all lied to ourselves. Often the desire to believe our own lies is born of fear or a desperation to avoid an unattractive truth. I used to unwittingly lie to myself all the time if only to keep some form peace in my heart and mind. It was a survival instinct of sorts. Here's the thing though, on some level, I always knew my lies were lies so any peace I percieved was an illusion. Of greatest concern, however was that at some point, I came to believe my lies and accept them as truth. Again, it was survival. I didn't want to believe the less attractive side of me existed. I didn't want to look myself in the eye and see the flaws and dysfunctions because, in acknowledging their presence, I knew I'd have to do something about them. I just wasn't ready to face certain truths about myself. In living this way, I was not only limiting myself, but also limiting the relationships I had with others.
In time, circumstances pushed me to face my truth, my flaws, my shadow side and, in turn, do something different than I ever has before. I came to realize in perpetuating the lies I had been telling myself for pretty much my whole life, I was impeding my growth. In lying to myself, I was choosing the illusion of peace over real peace. I realized I had to own up to my internal dishonesty, accept it, and move forward as well as I could at the time. In moving away from the lies and doing the work to stay rooted in truth, I found I was able to grow in a way I had not before. Over time it became easier to face my own truth, attractive or not.
To have given myself the gift of self-honesty has been life changing. I have not only come to be better able to trust myself and my instincts, but also discern truth and lies in the world at large. In this, I find that I am better able to be of service to others, to distance myself from unhealthy relationships and situations, and embrace what is a far friendlier universe than I ever could have realized before. ~ Mk Michaels
