Love's Acolyte ~ by Elsa Gidlow

This poem was not written by me, rather Elsa Gidlow (1898-1986), but is among my favorites so I wanted to share it with you.

Many have loved you with lips and fingers
And lain with you till the moon went out;
Many have brought you lover's gifts!
And some have left their dreams on your doorstep. But I who am youth among your lovers
Come like an acolyte to worship,
My thirsting blood restrained by reverence,
My heart a wordless prayer. The candles of desire are lighted,
I bow my head, afraid before you,
A mendicant who craves your bounty
Ashamed of what small gifts she brings.

~ Elsa Gidlow

An Attempt to Overcome God

Another oldie, 2005 or so.  Sharing anyway.

In the mirror of you,

my malignance

is reflected in your terrified eyes.

Like a practiced surgeon,

you slice me neatly out of your flesh.

You’ve feared me from the start.

My hearth and nourishment

too much to bear.

I burned your tongue with my warmth. 

I am your incubus.

Braced with faith in your God,

not mine,

I am exorcised.

Hiding in your shadows,
I crave the light of my life

and wished to bring it to you,

if only to give you peace

and send you on your way

if you chose not to stay.

Instead, I am a kept secret,

a sin committed,

a soul-less shame,

but I am none of those,

not in the least.

My velveteen lover,

you break my heart

in a thousand ways.

So, my dear,

our answer is found.

 

~ Mk Michaels

Carnival (not) Fun House

An oldie, 2007 or so, but sharing anyway.

You came, telling me my siren’s song had drawn you near,

beckoning me to enter the Carnival Fun House

I entered willingly believing all I heard

Wanting to hear the fairy tale again and again and again

Lured by your long lost song

Brightly lit, flashing lights

Calliope tunes lending their accompaniment

Clever mirror tricks distorting your truth

 

You cautioned me

take care of the little girl,

so wounded by love and life that

she could pull me under as she drowns

Take care of the little girl who loves me so much that it frightens her.

She will be kind.

She will never stray.

…..promises broken like so many others

 

Threading gently around your tattered edges.

I fed your poverty with words of

Exultation, adoration and acts of undulation

Knowing, because you told me this and I believed, that one well intended tug could unravel your emptiness.

Not knowing that the well intended tug could also send me into your oblivion.

Populated by so many others

Good company if you must ask – beautiful women, whole in their core save the

raw and gaping pit left in the wake of your destruction.

Your grief is strategic,

because “sometimes you simply must bear that burden alone…”

you are afforded the autonomy to

deceive, lie and steal away into the night with yet another victim.

 

Nights of passion unmatched….we said

Both of us were playing a part, you know

Truth was lies and lies were truth

Passion was perversion

and I fell deeply into you

Temporarily losing my senses, I was struck blind

Seeing only your reflection in the concave mirrors,

you were larger than life.

The world was my oyster, you said,

a gift from you to me.

But upon closer inspection,

the shell was empty;

no pearl, no mother of pearl even.

Empty.

 

You spun and twisted and wove your contorted tale

of unicorns, long lost love and lies,

of Dylan, Baez and heavily Dosed Peppers

of soulmates, music and happily ever after

of children, babies and family forever

of childhood stories of monsters lurking in the dark

and illness, slights and hurts

of daisies, butterflies and a wheaten Little Prince

I surrendered to your tale giving you all you lacked

Children, a womb and another notch in your perfect score

 

But something was amiss. 

Too many unraveled ends

Too many unmatched cards

Too many unanswered riddles with twists and tattered turns

Shoddy work….

Too many unreturned calls

Too many days at a distance

Too many weekends in woe

Too many promises and privileges pulled away

Too many, lover, too many

 

So I questioned and puzzled and pondered

and was harshly scolded

Coldly, callously,

sadistically kept for weeks at a distance

while you enveloped yourself in another’s care

Not the one you profess you craved for your cure,

but the personification of the Weakness in You

kept local, kept close, kept and never left behind.

 

I stood stranded at the top of the Eiffel Tower

Confused, afraid and frostbitten

by the arctic freeze you blasted my way.

I blew warm breath through my hands to try to

clear the glass so I could better see you again,

my lovely long lost lover.

 

The heat of my breath collided with the frozen glass

and shattered the contorted Fun House mirror

into a thousand pieces

showering sharp slivers and shards

scratching and slicing and dicing me to ribbons

….and suddenly I saw you clearly

and realized that the monster you’ve feared in the dark….

was you.

 

~ Mk Michaels