Resistant Transformation

 

Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you. ~ John Greene

There are times loss sucks the air from my lungs and leaves me gasping, a crumbled heap on the floor. More often though, I experience my life’s losses as muted colors and muffled sounds when I was used to living in Technicolor.  In having been twice touched close to my heart by death in as many years, it feels I have lost pieces of me I loved a great deal; my seemingly endless stamina, an ability to help everyone and everybody at the drop of a hat, the ability to try anything...at least once, and the luxury of being able to count on my heart and soul to show up with their historic optimism day in and day out.  In having these constants of my life vacate their posts, if only temporarily, I wonder if the lesson of it all is to learn to slow down,  to sip and savor life’s experiences instead of greedily gulping them, and to view each moment as a precious gift, for there is no guarantee more will follow.  I am a highly resistant student and often rail against the perceived loss of who I was; in this is the greatest pain, for losing others is overwhelming, but losing the person I thought myself to be, devastating.  So, bit by bit, a new version of me is revealed and I am trying really hard to like her. ~ Mk Michaels

Grace

Winds whip the cypress,

but instead of succumbing,

she graciously bends.

~ Mk Michaels

Facing Fear ... more fearlessly

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Fear…Aaaaaagghhh!!! 

I think it is an accurate statement to say that none of us enjoys fear, not even a little bit.  Do we enjoy the occasional adrenaline rush, a momentary thrill?  Sure, but fear?  No way.

That said, in moving toward my deepest and most terrifying fears over the years, I have grown immeasurably.  Not only have I been able to conquer the fears I was actively facing in that moment, but I also find myself more capable of and confident in handling the next frightening moment, person, thing, or situation that comes along.  There is such an incredible freedom in this; I highly recommend it.

As a dear friend of mine once said, ‘F*ck fear, you don’t have to let it stop you’, and so it is. ~ Mk Michaels