Hiding the Soft Spots

A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ~ Ian McEwan, Atonement

Trust and intimacy are hard won qualities for they require exposing our vulnerabilities and those parts of us and our history which could be used to hurt us should the tides turn. Having been the beneficiary of having my soft spots used against me far too many times in the past year, I find my appetite for being vulnerable is greatly diminished, so much so that part of me wishes to share less of myself with those who speak and more time in my garden and with my animals. My garden has patiently borne my many heartbreaks and my animals don't talk.  Both are the perfect companions for healing. ~ Mk Michaels

Bittersweet

Was it always to be like this? she wondered. A moment of joy followed by a new sorrow? ~ Soheir Khashoggi, Nadia's Song

These days, our holidays have a sinewy vein of bittersweet woven throughout.  Slightly more than two years ago we lost a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a trusted lifelong friend and partner.  It continues to baffle me that life insists on marching forward.  The kids grow, relationships come and go, our lives have both expanded and also become much smaller.  What we value most has come clearly into focus; love, kindness, our many blessings, acts of service for others, our home, dear and trusted friends, and last but certainly not least, family.  

As the kids and I put the finishing touches on our contributions to today's Thanksgiving meal, I watched in awe at these two souls, a daughter and a son, who I love more than I ever thought I could. Children who I have the privilege to see grow into the amazing adults they are becoming. Each with their respective talents, dreams, sadnesses, joys, and independences.  As they bantered and teased one another, I watched their interaction, smiled, and sent love heavenward to their other mother, Amy.  We did good, Amy, and as we always joked with one another, we definitely did get the best ones.  ~ Mk Michaels

Happy Thanksgiving from our family to yours.

Anger

 

 

He who angers you conquers you. ~ Elizabeth Kenny

There are times when a situation gets the best of me and I get angry. Whether or not my anger is justified is irrelevant, because what often follows is anger at myself for even being angry. Granted, some of this is the vestiges of the lessons of my youth aka, "nice girls don't get angry," but it exists all the same.  I have and continue to work diligently to learn about myself, my flaws, foibles, and the aspects of my personality which are not productive so I can eradicate them or, minimally, reduce the damaging effects on both myself and others. When I catch myself getting angry, it is always a bit disappointing to be reminded that I, too, am human and, as a result, imperfect.

So, yes, I get angry sometimes and occasionally really, really, really angry.  Often the anger is rooted in inequity, mistruths, deep unkindness, or that which seems an unfair judgment. Here’s the thing though, this type of anger is the least productive of all because we simply cannot control other’s words or actions.  By getting angry about these type situations, I am actually creating even more negative energy. Although my idealistic side would like to believe that we are all kind at our core and working toward our best and greatest selves, the reality is that there are those who have been so damaged in life that they live with a diminished ability to see the good in the world and the people surrounding them. In these situations, it is a tall order to replace the anger with compassion, but I give it my best shot anyway because those who are unable to experience the incredible good in the world and its people are those who need compassion, kindness, and love most of all.  ~ Mk Michaels